Turn Again

Over the last month, I have been reflecting on the end of the Gospel of Luke at my adoration hour. Specifically on Peter’s denial and Jesus meeting the disciples on the road to Emmaus. I feel called to share what I have heard. I will start with a reflection on Peter’s denial before jumping to the road to Emmaus with a later post.

First, a little context as the end of Luke’s gospel is action packed! Right after the Last Supper and institution of the Eucharist, “A dispute also arose among them, which of them was to be regarded as the greatest” (Lk 22:24). I sometimes find myself in this same train of thought. Its only natural for me to do so right? After all, this country is built on an ideal that if you’re not first, you’re last. Jesus answers, “let the greatest among you become as the youngest, and the leader as one who serves” (22:26). Come again Jesus? Isn’t this backwards? Could you imagine the apostles reaction? Jesus continues, “You are those who have continued with me in my trials; as my Father appointed a kingdom for me, so do I appoint for you that you may eat and drink at my table in my kingdom and sit on thrones judging the twelve tribes of Israel.” Jesus, the Son of God, has appointed me to eat and drink at His table, to be served by Him. “Lord, I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof, but only say the word and my soul shall be healed.” This is a prayer that Catholics pray before receiving the Eucharist.

My heart gets hung on “Lord I am not worthy” because I don’t feel worthy of such an invitation. The Son of God is calling me to His table!? My soul needs healing first, I need a nicer suit, a haircut, something because this is a BIG deal. This is a constant struggle of mine and can ultimately be attributed to the world we live in. Our world is broken, it is fallen. I’m not saying there is no beauty in it, because it is filled with beauty, but it is also fallen. Watch the nightly news, then go hike a mountain; you’ll see what I mean. This brings doubt and despair to me regarding my faith. I’m alone, I am here just to make money and be happy. I choose to do what is not best for me. I choose to do what is bad with respect to my faith! I choose what is wrong, I choose to sin. It seems like all I can do is wait for things to mess up! A voice says, “just don’t try, you know its hard work.” I go against the invitation from the Son of God. I sin repeatedly. I fall, over and over again like a baby learning to walk. But why oh God would you allow me to struggle with these things? Please keep these struggles away from my family. How could I turn down such a grand invitation?? Because I want to protect myself??? I want to serve myself??? I want to serve myself. The voice says again, “asking others for help will bring judgement and a lessening of my reputation. Keep these things to yourself if you want to be first.” For some reason, things don’t turn out the way I expect or the way I want. Why Lord?

Jesus says, “Simon (insert your name), Simon, behold, Satan demanded to have you, that he might sift you like wheat, but I have prayed for you that your faith may not fail; and when you have turned again, strengthen your brethren” (22:31,32).

Turn again? In principle, how stupid could I be to turn down happiness? Peter says, “Lord I am ready to go with you to prison and to death,” knowing that what Jesus offers is the happiness he desires. Peter is wiling, I am willing, but Jesus answers, “I tell you Peter, the cock will not crow this day, until you three times deny that you know me.”

As things go south for Jesus, his followers scatter, they run from the good, they choose what is wrong, to run from Jesus. Peter indeed denies Jesus three times “and he went out and wept bitterly” (22:62). The truth I think about as I read these pages is, every decision we make does indeed matter. There is a right and there is a wrong. The wrong choices lead us down a spiraling road to despair, laziness and anxiety about the future. Especially in recent times; putting our trust in the world, in our plans will only lead to anxiety about the future. However, living by faith puts a focus on the present moment, which in turn helps to plan/guide your future. I know this path leads to life/happiness/peace. I speak from experience. Jesus has prayed for our faith, that it might not fail. Jesus is pro faith, but what happens to me when I choose what is wrong? In the following chapter, we see what Jesus does for Peter, what he does for me. He endures a horrendous death, the death that I should deserve and then He defeats death itself. The consequences of Peter’s wrong doing, of my wrong doing, are taken away assuming that we “turn again” (32). Remember Jesus’ words, “Simon (insert your name), Simon, behold, Satan demanded to have you, that he might sift you like wheat, but I have prayed for you that your faith may not fail; and when you have turned (Epistrepho) again, strengthen your brethren” (22:31,32). The road will be rough at times, we might fail, our plans fail, but our faith never fails. Even in our shortcomings, all we have to do is turn around. Give the song below a listen before reading on.

Fun fact, the original Greek word used here for “turn” is “Epistrepho.” This word appears more in the book of Acts than anywhere else in the Bible. The book of Acts is essentially the testimony of the apostles and their work. So the power of this passage is strong. While we may fail like Peter’s denial, Jesus prays that our faith will never fail, that we will always turn to Him. Doing this will strengthen our friends in faith, which has gone on to make the Catholic Church a billion people strong. Its not about me. Its about serving others, loving others, a sort of collective. This is the good news, “for God so loved the world that he gave his only-begotten Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16). You don’t have to take the broken road, there is a free invitation to a never ending wedding reception. Who doesn’t love free stuff? We will fail along the way, but turn again, ALWAYS TURN and God will be there as faith in God never fails. Perfect faith means to always turn, constantly turn. Then, you serve. Strengthen others around you as faith is meant to be shared because its not even ours to possess. Its a total gift from God. Lead by example, be happy, live like no one is watching. This gives me peace and joy in what is seemingly the day-to-day grind. In reality, its an invitation to a greater life, an eternal one. God bless you, Holy Spirit guide you, Jesus pray that our faith may never fail.

Kauai Adventure

I’m not sure Elizabeth and I were prepared for how quickly the whole thing would pass by. I’m talking about the wedding, not the honeymoon. Oh trust me, I’ll get to the honeymoon. We had been engaged for a year and a half, had plenty of time to prepare everything, the wedding weekend would be a walk in the park right? In hind sight, it was a walk in the park as everyone, friends and family included, were unbelievably helpful. However, in the moment, things past by like a bullet train headed for the 4^th of July. It was the best day of my life! And interestingly enough, with each passing day from the wedding; the memories of the day seem to get better and better… I’m no love expert but I feel like we done-did something right then.

The wedding weekend quickly came and past. We blinked and it was over but at the same time just beginning. Liz and I had the first flight out of Indy to Phoenix on Monday morning. We then flew the too many hour long flight to Kauai. Lets get it started up in herr.

DAY 1 – CHICKENS AND MAI TAIS

We got off our flight and located our locally rented rental car. It was a smoking hot 2001, white Hyundai Accent. We had to walk through a few roosters to get to the car. We chuckled, thought of the character Hay-Hay from Moana and thought “oh what a funny one time experience that was ha ha ha”… WRONG. We had no clue that roosters had taken over the island. They were everywhere for the whole week. You couldn’t always see them, but you can hear them… especially at 3 am.

Here’s a picture of Grandma, our smoking hot 2001 Accent with no power windows. It did have power steering and could dominate the intense Kauai terrain! We also blended right in with the local crowd. All the tourists who use Hertz or Enterprise get fancy Mustangs or Cadillacs but we had Grandma!

We stopped into a restaurant called Lemongrass on our way up to our condo. I was heavily influenced by the sign which read something to the extent of “Happy Hour 4-5 pm Come drink lots”… Okay, okay, it didn’t say exactly that but that’s how I read it in my mind. I looked at Grandma’s faded time and it was 3:53. I made a squeeling turn decision to stop for food there. Liz was very happy with my driving so far! We had our first Mai Tai’s and dinner which were both amazing! Goodness did it feel great to sit with no where else to go, or anything to get done. Let the good times role.

DAY 2 – TO THE WEST

We got up early on Tuesday to make our way to the rigorous west side of the island. It was a two-hour drive and we were nearly circling the entire island to get there. Picture driving clockwise from 1 o’clock to 10 o’clock on a analog clock. That’s what we did. It would have been quicker to drive counterclockwise but that’s not how time works! But for real though, to get from 1 to 10 o’clock the short way would involve getting through the intense terrain of the Napali Coast. This is impossible as there are no roads that traverse the Napali Coast. You can only traverse it on foot. Liz and I actually had permits to hike the beautiful coastline but it was closed due to the historic flooding that occurred there in April (I was more disappointed about this than Liz was… The Napali Coast is a intense hike!). Napali aside, we drove over to the Kalalau Lookout and had a few hours just to chill and talk in the car on our way there. As we ascended into the high terrain of the west side of the island, it felt like we were approaching Arizona’s Grand Canyon. It was very rocky, canyon-like terrain!

We ended up hiking an unofficial trail off the Kalalau Lookout which a local told us had great views of the Napali Coast and wasn’t too strenuous… The local was actually our waitress from Lemongrass the evening before. From beginning to end, the locals were a huge help. We sat next to a Mrs. Morgan on our flight in who gave us so many great tips! Basically, don’t be nervous to talk to the locals. Back to the hike… IT WAS A GREAT HIKE! Breathtaking views the entire way. Probably because we were staring down a thousand foot drop on either side of the ridge we were hiking. Needless to say, there was some fairly decent exposure but the trail was dry and well established so we were never worried for our safety. Although I have much more hiking experience than Liz, she was more comfortable on this hike than I was. You see, I am afraid of heights and I kid you not that the views were amazing the entire way. The rush of nature was overwhelming. I’ll let the pictures speak for themselves.

DCIM100GOPRO

DCIM100GOPRO

DCIM100GOPRO

On our drive back, we stopped at Kokee Lodge and Museum for our 2^nd round of mai tais. We were happy hikers.

As we slowly made our way back, we decided to go to Polihale State Park to catch the sunset and some well needed beach time. Little did I know what we had to go over to get there. I do not suggest traversing a 3 mile rocky road with a 2001 Hyundai Accent. I think my thoughts the entire way down this road consisted of something like, “PLEASE GRANDMA, JUST HANG IN THERE.” It was slow going, 15 mph slow, but we made it to the beach and we nearly had the whole beach to ourselves! It was well worth the wait. We played some ultimate frisbee for a while and Liz wants me to comment on the fact that I threw it in the water multiple times to make her chase after it. I will say that it may or may not have been on purpose. We left the beach as it started getting dark and it stormed our entire way back to the condo as we made our way through the south and east side of the island. We had easterly flow most of the week which means the west side of the island was high and dry but the east side of the island was a different story. WEST SIDE, DRY SIDE!

DAY 3 – SLEEPING GIANT

Liz and I didn’t realize how much we really did on Tuesday (Day 2). How we were even alive the next day is beyond us, especially following the wedding weekend. So we chilled out and enjoyed some Kalua coffee in the morning with our bird friend Frank (see below) and then shipped out to hike sleeping giant in the afternoon despite the soreness. This is a very popular hike, I figured it would be fairly easy and quick. Which it was! We were just a little sore from all the walking around we did from the previous day which made this hike a little strenuous. There also weren’t amazing views to distract you from your tiredness like the day before. This hike is located on the eastern-middle side of the island, so the ecosystem is much more tropical on this side of the island. We trudged through what felt like jungle until we reached the summit which treated us with some awesome views of Kapaa and the eastern side of the island.

Afterwards we ran over to Sleeping Giant Grill for their fish tacos (a different local told us to go there… the locals were very friendly) and they were AMAZING! It could have been how hungry we were, but the fish in these tacos were amazing!! We ate a ton of fish throughout the week and it was some of the best fish I’ve ever had. There was a dance bar called Tree’s in the same complex as the grill which we went to after thinking we could find a place to dance for a while. We had none of it though. Nobody was dancing. Not that it would have stopped us but the DJ was playing some weird low-fi hip hop music which I enjoy, but not when you’re trying to get people dancing. Either way, we still had a good time dancing to a few songs and enjoyed more mai tais!

DAY 4 – SURFS UP!

Learned how to surf in the morning. Our instructor set the standard from the stereotypical surfer bro. His name was Clay. Good guy. Seeing as we were in the water, there are no pictures, but I can assure you that both Liz and I got up on a surf board. Interesting tid bit, I was talking to Clay while we were waiting for a good set of waves to come in and was asking how his place survived the rains in April. He wasn’t on Kauai at the time but told me to look at the mountains in the back drop of Hanalei Beach. You could see many brown stripes which extended the entirety of the cliffs on these mountains. Apparently, they were all waterfalls back in April. The mountains I was looking at had received 3 feet of rainfall within 24 hours, so it was a historic amount of rain we are talking about. Here’s an article about it. From surfing in the morning, we rented and road some bikes on the east side trail in the afternoon and finally got some time for Liz to shop around Kapaa. We had a great dinner at Olympic Café which is located right on the main road through Kapaa. We got a table right on the road and we had some great views. Liz wants me to say her Pina Colada was excellent!

Small note, throughout the whole week we nearly exclusively referred to one another as husband and wife to make it sound like this was all real… I’m still not sure if it was or not.

DAY 5 – What Day Is It?

We had lost track of the days at this point in the honeymoon. What a blast we were having. We had no plans starting off each day, we more or less planned our days as they came. This day, I managed to go on a run earlier in the morning which allowed me to explore the area we were staying which was Princeville. I managed to run my way to an abandon resort off of Hanalei Bay! This was not on purpose, I just stumbled upon it. It was incredible looking. I felt like I was discovering the abandon Jurassic Park. It was a huge resort on the east side of the bay back in the 1970s but Hurricane Iniki in 1992 wiped it out and it was never rebuilt. Being alert for dinosaurs, I managed to find my way down to the beach following a relatively defined path. To my left, a gentleman was painting the forgotten views of the mountains behind Hanalei. What I ended up finding was another extremely secluded beach. Personally, I found this beach to be much nicer than Polihale. I ran back to tell Liz about the place and we ended up spending the afternoon enjoying that beach.

DCIM100GOPRO

And in the evening, we EAT!!! We had tickets to a Luau in the evening and I’m not sure I have ever eaten so much food… I kid you not, just ask Liz. I was sooo full. It was an all you can eat buffet and open bar (yes the bar included mai tai’s). We had a great time and enjoyed the show that went along with it. Liz’s favorite guy was the one that spun the fire… To which I say typical. In addition, we were not the only Bauer’s there! There was another table which was filled with Bauer’s. We were not related but based off there enthusiasm for life, I wanted to say we were.

DAY 6 – Rocky Day

Enjoyed the condo in the morning. By this point in the week, we learned that we had a smart TV which had Netflix on it so we enjoyed bits of a few movies. Overall though, we didn’t spend too much time in the condo but it really was VERY nice. We got it through AirBnB which is basically a website which rents out houses like a hotel, except in most situations you get the whole house to yourself. Its also cheaper than hotels. Anyway, come the afternoon we made our way to another hike which would take us to Secret Falls. With all the hiking and walking around we had done throughout the week, we were unadmittedly pretty tired. That being said, we were defeated by this hike. There was some rather significant rock maneuvering which made for a pretty slow and exhaustive hike. Not to mention that it was mud city everywhere. This was hike where all the bugs came out to play as well, otherwise the bugs on the island were minimal. We got very dirty on this one. We didn’t make it to the falls but still had a fun time enjoying what I would say was the closest we came to seeing what Kauai was truly like.

I almost forgot, we had more mai tai’s in the evening! This should not be a surprise at this point.

DAY 7 – Church Clothes!

Church was done right in Kauai. First off, they celebrated the sacrifice of the mass, this is good! They also greeted us with leis and the church was open so there were birds inside the church. You would think it would be annoying, but it actually sounded natural. It was a very simple church and it was a fantastic mass as they all are. From mass, we had an urge to get a good brunch, we are Catholic after all! So we made our way to the Kountry Kitchen. This was a restaurant filled with pictures of roosters! At this point in the week, if we never had to hear a rooster again; we would be completely okay with it. The roosters had become wild across the island after Hurricane Iniki and they were literally EVERYWHERE and they would never shut up. It would be 3 am and we would still be hearing them. Brunch was awesome though! After brunch, we made our way to Shipwrecks Beach. It was a pretty windy day so we napped on the beach a bit and then decided to hike down the coastline to Makauwahi Cave. I actually have a ton of GoPro pictures from this little adventure so enjoy a few of these below.

DCIM100GOPRO

DCIM100GOPRO

DAY 8 – Napali Wannabe

As I mentioned previously, we were unable to hike the Napali Coast because of the rains back in April. I knew this before we got to the island but I was still hoping to be able to get to the trailhead to view the potential for a great hike in the future. So this morning we decided we would drive down there and explore a bit. Well, I was going to explore; Liz was planning on sitting on the beach. Turns out though, they have the national guard blocking the road with M16’s! We drove just past Hanalei before the road was completely blocked off. We weren’t able to get anywhere close to the trailhead. I was pretty bummed about this but we ended up having a good time walking and shopping around Hanalei.

We stayed close to home in the afternoon and decided to knock out Queens Bath which is a very popular site to see on the north side of the island. We walked there and it involves a very brief, but MUDDY hike to get to and the views of the coast are a huge benefit for the amount of time/effort it takes to hike there. Once there, the cliffs were amazingly different than what we had witnessed across the rest of the island and had a great time jumping into one of the inlets which had turtles swimming in it! … Not sure how I felt about swimming with giant sea turtles… Jack Sparrow! A quick side note, I would not recommend jumping in if you are not a good swimmer or climber as it takes some strength to be able to pull yourself out of the very turbulent waters! Many people have actually died jumping into the water in this area. We made sure we had a good exit strategy before we jumped in and had no issues. We continued to hike around the area for a while before we walked back to the condo. We went back to Hanalei in the evening to shop around and then literally ran to the beach to catch what looked like would be an amazing sunset. It decided to rain on us instead… classic Kauai.

DAY 9 – Hippie Day

Our flight left Kauai at 10:01 pm on this day and we had to be checked out of our AirBnB by 10 am. This means we had 8-9 hours to kill before we had to be at the airport. So we decided to do a “usual” touristy activity. We went to Princeville Ranch and did their 4×4 tour which included driving ATV’s, zip lining, swimming and even MORE HIKING. We were a little tired of hiking at this point. We had a fun overall experience. By far the best part about it was not having to worry about food, water or directions. They provided everything and told us where to go for the whole morning which allowed us to just enjoy the experience and each other.

As one can note, we got very muddy again… Mud is everywhere in Kauai… We needed a place to shower after the Ranch. We asked our guides and they explained that there were some public showers at Anini Beach so we headed that way as we no longer had the luxury of being able to go back to the condo to clean off. We were so tired that we ended up going right to the beach and just taking a nap for an hour. We awoke to hermit crabs scavenging for lunch right in front of our eyes which ended up keeping us from falling back asleep. The thought of a crabs crawling across our stomachs was not a pleasant one. I showered at the beach which had functioning showers. This was a very campy, hippie-esque beach. There were multiple people who clearly lived on the beach here. One guy lived out of his van which was filled to the brim with stuff and had grass the size of Kansas wheat surrounding it. He waved and I calmly waved back. The whole island had been unbelievably welcoming to us the entire week. I was not ready to go home.

We got some nice, clean clothes on and made our way back to the big city where we went to the Koloa Rum Company for some free rum! The last thing we did before we headed to the airport was eat dinner at a place called Keokis. It had great food and an awesome atmosphere! Liz also managed to get some last minute shopping in. I was so thrilled.

As we made our way to the airport and dropped off the car, things came down to earth very quickly. We did not realize it, but we had just had the best couple weeks of our lives to date. Liz had graduated, I had my bachelor party, then we had the wedding and we just finished the honeymoon. Now a drive to Wichita would be all that would stand between us and the “real world”. As I finish this blog post nearly a month into marriage, I can say that I still love Liz and I’m pretty sure she still loves me. All is going smoothly in Wichita and we can’t wait to make it back to Kauai someday. Here’s to a life spent happily ever after! Mahalo!

Sorry… had to sneak in a few of my wedding favorites.

Not, Just Another Testimony

It was my last summer as a college student. Excitement and angst competed over my feelings for the future. I did a lot of thinking about where I would be in a year. I was coming off a wonderful school year in every possible way. I became friends with God by his grace for the first time, it was academically my best year by far and I got a girlfriend! God had worked in unbelievable ways to lift me off the ground in my faith. So much so that I had committed to leading a Bible study as well as leading praise and worship for a large faith awakening retreat in the coming semester. I just had to make it through the summer. Little did I know how hard that would be. I spent the summer mainly by myself working and just going about life ordinarily, it left me feeling empty and without passion for my faith. It was similar to the feeling of when a good friend moves away to pursue new ambitions or when you’re favorite TV show has come to an end. I felt lonely, trapped in sin, buried by doubt and filled with questions. I had serious second thoughts about the commitments I had made for the coming semester, thinking about different ways I could remove myself from them. As far away as I had walked from Him, I could still hear His voice shouting from a distance. Before the semester of my final school year began, I was to attend an Evangelical Training Camp (ETC) for a week to help prepare me to share my faith with others. I was nervous that I didn’t know what I was getting myself into. I was correct in that assumption, but I was incorrect to be nervous. God had a plan in mind for me.

A little about Evangelical Training Camp, we had a full itinerary every day which included prayer, talks, group activities and breakout sessions. All with the goal of building habits of prayer, developing evangelical skills and building a vision for our ministry. I cannot possibly summarize my entire ETC experience as it was a fantastic time with many takeaways that I still use to this day, but I plan on summarizing how God was at work within me through ETC.

Despite my second thoughts about attending the Training Camp, I jumped headfirst into the activities and told myself that I would go about my time here with an open heart and mind, allowing God to move in me. My prayer for the week was asking God to give me something to share, to revive my fire for the faith and to make me the man that He was calling me to be. Going into a school year where I would be sharing my faith story with so many others, one of the biggest things I was nervous about was that I didn’t have much of a story to share in the first place. After all, I had just rediscovered my faith. Every morning at ETC, everyone started with a time of quiet prayer on our own. The goal from ETC’s prospective? To form daily experiences and practices of prayer that we could take with us for the rest of my lives. On day one as I sat by the lake watching the sunrise, I opened up the Bible to a random place as I did every morning that week. I turned to Galatians 5:1, which is where it all began. This verse speaks about the freedom God grants us when we stand firm in our faith. This sounded great, but was missing one thing… Freedom itself. As I mentioned, I felt trapped in sin, buried by doubt and filled with questions from a summer spent away from Him. God continued to work through the week though. On my second day I opened up to Isiah 6. In this chapter, Isiah experiences the presence and the power of God to change hearts. “Holy, holy, holy is the Lord of hosts! All the Earth is filled with His glory.” Through this reading, I recognized the significance of His power and His plan for me. I prayed about this, that I would recognize His power and presence to reveal His plan for me when the time was right. The next morning, I found myself again sitting on the end of a pier enjoying the sunrise over the lake the camp sat next to. This morning, prayer was to be focused on praise! I had many reasons to be happy that morning. I really felt God’s grace entering my heart through prayer, through the people that were at the camp and through all the new information I was processing. In retrospect, it is amazing how quickly I grew close to God! I reflected like I never had before; waiting and hoping that God would speak to me. I listened and watched with my eyes closed in prayer. I saw a heart, I found myself thinking about sharing, as if God were trying to tell me to share something I didn’t have. Lastly, I felt the power of prayer or just the presence of prayer, I’m not sure. As I said, it’s amazing how quickly I felt the presence of God again in prayer. I took these thoughts to heart and decided I would find some scripture to pray over. I randomly opened to Psalm 50, which speaks to offering praise as an acceptable sacrifice to God. How fitting that it was our theme for the day! I closed the prayer, continuing to ask for God’s presence and direction in my life.

The events remaining on our second to last day were a few more group meetings and talks followed then by adoration and confession that night. I was so excited for adoration and confession, to directly experience the mercy and the mystery of our Lord. At this point in my faith journey, I had never experienced honest excitement for these sacraments before. On a scale of one to excited, I was well off the charts. I honestly could not wait to adore the true presence of our Lord in the Eucharist and to receive a clean heart through confession. My fire for my faith was back through a week of devoted prayer! I was so happy and satisfied with my faith again, but God still had more to reveal to me. When adoration began that night, I knelt down to examine my conscience before confession. This is something I struggle with generally, but God had shined a bright light into my soul revealing so much brokenness that I was ready to let the Lord mend. So I raced off to confession which was in a separate building from where adoration was. A priest from North Carolina State ended up being my confessor. This is significant because students from NC State that I had talked with throughout the week had told me that he was such a good confessor. I didn’t think much of it until the moment I realized I got him as my confessor and the confession line was for the first available priest, not pick your priest. What are the odds that I get him!? Small detail, anyway; I get to him and have nothing short of an awesome confession. We talked for a while and he made many great points of encouragement in my struggle with my faith over the summer. For my penance, he asked me to think of someone in my group to pray for. No one specific came to my mind as I had just met many of the people in my group for the first time. I told him this and as if he was expecting that answer he said that God will give me someone to pray for and connect with and that I should pray for him or her for my penance. This was by far the strangest penance I had ever received, but I was soaring high on God’s grace getting out of confession that I didn’t really think about how crazy the penance was. I’m pretty sure I ran or skipped back to the building where adoration was being held. As I walked into the hall, I immediately ran into a staff member I had met earlier in the day who was praying with anyone who wanted or needed it and he asked how I was doing as I walked through the door. I told him I was feeling free! I know it’s cheesy, but he then started praying over me, asking God to assist me in my pursuit of freedom in Christ as I take my faith back to school. It was so cool because this was a theme of prayer for my week! It put me into the right mindset to go back into adoration. I knelt down next to a friend from school that I had just met on the trip. He is not a particularly outgoing fellow, but after I knelt down, I was overcome with the presence of the Lord. My eyes started to fill with tears at which point my quiet friend embraced me. Lo and behold this presence came over me at that moment. Remember my penance? I realized that God was giving me my new friend to pray for and connect with. My friend and I exchanged some awesome prayer for the next several minutes. Giving thanks for each of our experiences at this camp, we prayed for our group and for those we would encounter back at school. It was intense! As if that was not cool enough, just after we finished praying, the praise band went up to sing a worship song “How He Loves”. I was so excited to sing my praises to the Lord. I was singing loudly when my friend taps me on the shoulder and hands me his Bible pointing at a passage for me to read and I completely lost it again. It was Psalm 50! The exact scripture I had randomly turned to that morning when the theme was praise! I instantly recognized God’s unbelievable presence yet again as He was reaffirming all that we had talked about that week together in prayer. I found through this experience that there were three points to His plan for me. Pursue a new heart to ignite my connection to Jesus through the sacraments, especially confession. Believe in the power of prayer to continue to bring me God’s grace, freedom and peace. Lastly, show joy in sharing my faith with others! I learned that through the freedom that His Son offered us, we can accomplish anything regardless of where we are on our faith journey.

Looking back on my experiences throughout the week, God was equipping me to be a faithful servant. He gave me a clean heart through confession, a story to share and my weapon to continue writing my story, prayer. He also showed me the power of praise which the Catechism says is the form of prayer which recognizes most immediately that God is God. That coming year, I lead my Bible study for the entire school year at Purdue, lead praise and worship for two awakening retreats and managed to introduce a freshman to Jesus. Today, I have graduated. I have a job doing what I love, I am a youth mentor at my local Church’s youth ministry and have started the first contemporary praise and worship band there. Although He may seem distant at times, when I simply reflect and listen, it shows just how present God has been and will be in my life. He has continued to reveal His plan since the week I was at Evangelical Training Camp, and He will continue to be the leader of my journey here on Earth.

 

Father, thank you for the gift of faith and the saving grace that you’re Son offers us. I will offer praise as my sacrifice to You now and forever.

 

At ETC!

 

A Summer from Wichita

Moving is hard after all. Its been three months since I graduated, got a job, and moved to Wichita to start a new life. At this time three months ago, I was expecting to move back home to start my summer. I had already come to terms with the fact that I probably would not have a job before I graduated. So much so that I had already made plans for what I was going to do when I made it back to my hometown in South Bend, IN. I planned on running in the mornings at Notre Dame, spending time with our new family puppy and maybe playing a few video games in the afternoon as I leisurely go about finding a job. I still have this plan on my phone and it serves as a reminder to me that life can change rapidly in the blink of an eye. Stupid excited, ecstatic, blissful, and full of anticipation filled me as I received my job offer from AccuWeather Enterprise Solutions right after seeing the new Avengers movie. I had literally just walked out of the movie theater when my new boss called me to give me the news. Not to mention that I had just finished my last final exam the day before. Needless to say, I could not think of a better time to get a job and life was good. I was unspeakably excited at the idea of this job and knew I was up to the challenges that would come along with it. The challenges ended up being a little more significant than I thought though. Throw all previous plans out the window, lets move to Wichita, Kansas!

The day after I graduated on May 18th, I moved out of the place that I called home for the last 5 years in Cary Quad at Purdue University and drove west to Kansas in search of a new home. The experience was surreal really. I was off to a place where I knew no one and I didn’t even have a place to sleep for that night. I did the only thing I could think to do which was to pray the rosary once every hour in between all the music I was listening to. Sooo much music. When I finally made it to Wichita after 12 hours of driving, I quickly came to the conclusion that there were and are a ton of apartments in Wichita. Wichita has a reputation for being a city where many people live in apartments. The city was booming with business in the 70s thanks to most major airline corporations being headquartered there. This led to many of the apartment complexes being built in the 70s. Many of the companies though have pulled out of the city which has hurt the local economy. So many of the apartment complexes are older, but also cheaper at the same time since there are so many. Anyway, over the course of 48 hours, I managed to visit close to 15 different apartment complexes. I took many things into account in choosing my new crib. I was honestly thinking too hard about my decision. My Dad reminded me though what was most important in choosing a new place. I was telling him all about the ins and outs of all the apartments I had visited before he stopped me to inform me that ultimately, you need to choose a home that will put you in the best position to be happy. This was wise advice from a wise old man (don’t tell him I said that). How does one experience true happiness though? What variables do I need to weigh to make sure that I experience happiness at my new place? This made my decision easier and I’m going to come back to the decision I made and happiness in a bit.

One of the largest obstacles I’ve run into out here is solitude. For the last 5 years, I’ve lived amongst my friends. People came into my room to talk. Whether it was for Bible study, video games, goonery, or to play music. I made friends by lounging in my room. It was that easy. That certainly is one of the reasons why college is awesome. You are exposed to so many people of different backgrounds allowing you to meet and to learn from each of their experiences. Now pull ALL those people out of your life, move nearly 700 miles away from home, change your lifestyle from student to employed and try to live the same life… Its not possible. Something has to and will change. I full well knew that the changes were going to be significant going into this new job, but didn’t adequately understand how truly difficult the transition to a new lifestyle would be. Thankfully I had/have my faith to get me through the transition.

I now live in a place with little distraction. No one (God willing) is going to come barging into my room at 2am to shoot me with a nerf gun or give me a hug. This is both a good thing and a bad thing in my opinion. Living on my own has allowed me to find out who I really am. To see how I live my life when there are no distractions. Just me, my thoughts, and I. It has allowed me to pray and read more which has encouraged me so much over the last two months. However, without distractions also leaves you entirely accountable for yourself. I can now see if you are not careful living on your own how you can fall into despair, to sin and depression. We were not meant to be alone and we are not called to just to get by. John R. Wood points out in his book “Ordinary Lives, Extraordinary Mission” that major cultural issues today stem from hedonism, individualism and minimalism. When living on your own, you are at particular risk of falling into all of these idealisms. Eating as much as you want, drinking as much as you want, sleeping with who you want, all whenever you want falls under hedonism and doing things only because they feel good. The philosophy of “What’s in it for me?” and putting our will above all others falls under individualism. Minimalism being the easiest to fall into which is simply doing the least you can do in any particular situation to get by. Falling into these idealisms does not yield happiness but rather pleasure which is temporary by nature and will leave one feeling lost. I make the simple case that happiness comes from the joy we receive in serving others. Is it not intriguing that we obtain joy when we hold the door open for someone? Return something that is lost to someone? Or in helping to build a house for a charity? God created us this way and than gave us the the most ultimate freedom which is free will to choose to serve others and ultimately Him.

Going back to my Dad’s piece of advice from earlier than, how am I to pick an apartment where I can be happy? I think you know the answer. I picked a place where I could have people over for a movie night, where I could host someone who needed a place to stay, where I could cook delicious food for not only myself, but for anyone who came over, where I could play music with others, where I felt needed. I picked a place where I could feel at home or in other words, a place where I was loved. My apartment complex is called Kingston Cove 🙂 My new home parish is St. Ann’s, just 2 blocks away.

I am so thankful for my experiences over the last 5 years. I have constantly been filled with the grace of God from the people around me. God built me up over the last 5 years so I would be ready this experience. Particularly this last year I have learned so much about being an evangelical Catholic. I couldn’t imagine coming out to Wichita without my experiences over just this last year. They have made me strong enough in my faith to stand on my own with the sword of the word of God and the shield of prayer.

I am happy to say that I have loved my time here in Wichita. I love my job at AccuWeather! Yay weather! I work with an awesome small group of 17 other people. There are no strict dress codes and you can listen to music while you work. KOBE! I wanted a job where I was communicating scientific information to people and we do exactly that for the entire country. I have met so many people too, SOOOO many people. Not just at Wichita either, but at the various weddings I’ve been to this summer in Fort Wayne and Chicago which have been awesome. Shout out to my buds Andrew and Markus. I have a beautiful apartment at Kingston Cove like I said earlier. Its on the 3rd floor of my building with a lake view. I ride my bike to work as much as I can along the river which is only a short ride from my place. I have a new home parish in St. Ann’s Catholic Church here on the south side. There is a new youth ministry starting here where I have been asked to help lead music for mass on Wednesday evenings. Its pretty much identical to what I was doing at Purdue which is awesome. Further, I look to leading a bible study at my new place starting this coming fall in my apartment. St. Ann’s was one of thee reasons that I choose the apartment that I did. Its not the nicest or biggest church in Wichita (Wichita is an AWESOME Catholic diocese), but it was a place where I thought I could PRACTICE my faith, where my skills were needed and ultimately a place where I could call home and be happy. And I am happy! Yay happiness. I said would come back to happiness and here we are. You want to live a life of happiness? True happiness comes from freedom, a basic American right which is awesome. Where does freedom come from? Freedom comes from God originally in this idea called free will. Freely choosing to do God’s will is the best thing you can do in this life and God created us to serve others. Therefore, it is in serving others where true joy and happiness comes from which is the idea I am building my new life in Wichita on. Moving and starting a new lifestyle turned out to be more difficult than I thought. But in being removed from the college lifestyle has shed some light on the more important aspects of life. Moving to a new place is hard, starting a new lifestyle takes time, but living your faith is the one thing we were created to do.

For you were called for freedom, brothers. But do not use this freedom as an opportunity for the flesh; rather, serve one another through love. For the whole law is fulfilled in one statement, namely, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” But if you go on biting and devouring one another, beware that you are not consumed by one another. 

-Galatians 5:13-15

Joseph

Adoration outside on the outskirts of Wichita. It was a crazy experience.

My workstation. Need more screens for sure.

Me crib.

Me crib.